Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence (EI or EQ) refers to the ability to perceive, understand, and manage one’s own emotions and relationships. It involves being aware of emotions in oneself and others, using this awareness to guide thinking and behavior, and building strong relationships. Verywellmind.com+4

If you want to know how Emotionally Intelligent (EI) you are there are free assessment tests you can access online. Even though the test alone may not tell you enough about the result to help you gain more EI, it is still a good place to start.

So why care about Emotional Intelligence? After all some people think it is just a cover for teaching Critical Race Theory or a “Woke” agenda. And that’s unfortunate, because Emotional Intelligence is a pathway to a less chaotic, drama-filled life. If you constantly find yourself upset, lashing out, exhausted from disagreement, or generally seeing your world as negative, you probably have low Emotional Intelligence.

It's not about denying yourself the opportunity to experience emotion. In fact, being Emotionally Intelligent will allow you to embrace a full realm of emotion without the fear of losing control. You can and probably should get angry when you see injustice, feel bullied or taken advantage of, or feel discounted. If you live a values-centered life and have high self-esteem, those emotions may come up often in your life. Similarly, if you feel unworthy or insecure, you may always be looking for a fight and live with constant anger. Either way, it’s what you do with that anger that matters and that will lead to a better or worse situation.

If you’ve ever lashed out or gotten into an argument you later regretted, you need to increase your Emotional Intelligence. If you are prone to uplift yourself by putting others down or listening to others while they do it, you need to work on your EI.

It’s hard and it’s not about suppression. You can very intently feel every emotion without letting it inform your behavior or responses to people or situations. There are tricks of the trade that can help you learn your triggers and hot buttons that may lead to an intense emotional reaction. Preparing for the emotion can help you experience it with Intelligence. There are also methods that can help you channel that emotion into actions, speech, and thought that can turn the worst circumstance into ones that set you on the path toward growth and power.

So, I encourage us all to seek out opportunities to enhance our Emotional Intelligence.

Written by Ken Maaz for the 2025 Spring Ashley House Newsletter